April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. No, then I would say she is just stupid. But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. What happens if you get pregnant? But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? I must be bloody kidding myself. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. Its a double standard. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. iseeshiny I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? Its not a mystery. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. April 10, 2012, 7:02 pm. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? Thats seriously not cool. I mean every word! You bet. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. Only the fools. 2. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. FireStar Especially the children. I dont think hes scum based on this either. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. That is really fucked up. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Ive done that on a number of occasions. Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. lets_be_honest bittergaymark And it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. They had just gotten back together after finding out she was pregnant. female I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. The guy started dating someone else. Your choice. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. Dolce Got Another Girl Pregnant He Broke My Heart.. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. Then the unlikely happens. Youre wondering if he will marry her. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. End of story. And he shouldnt, either. Whos the daddy? And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. Please do better. Like raising a child is easy. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. . After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Like labor isnt extremely painful. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. Ford 1970 Kansas Cars for sale - SmartMotorGuide.com His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. lets_be_honest He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Sue Jones 4. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. bittergaymark She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. You sure arent one. Yep. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. Yeah, Im with you, pretty much on all counts. Francine I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. I wish it's that easy. Deal with it, ladies. female But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. OH MY GOD!! I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? Those are very different things. 6napkinburger He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. Wheww. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. No interest in fatherhood? Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" Third, I weep for that child. Im not sure. I know Im stretching here, but [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. This guy sounds like scum. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan He should get a damn vasectomy. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. So deal with that. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. lets_be_honest How does your law make this fair? I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Move forward with your life. Therefore, move on. I dont think you are right to try to make him stay with her. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant Steve Kellmeyer Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . Temperance A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. Turns out that the bout of food poisoning she got after their anniversary dinner and the diarrhea that came with it messed with the effectiveness of her birth control pills. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. That support is not hers. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. The pull out method? It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. No, thats the kids money. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH* lets_be_honest Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. female Dont engage in the action. I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. What a door mat you are! Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? and now he must deal with those consequences. haha I agree. You pack of hypocrites. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? PS. iseeshiny You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . But Susie is looking forward to going away to college. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. P.S. April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. While I am pro-choice, I would never have an abortion. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. It pays and so do the provider of the sperm. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. LW, your anger is misdirected. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. My husbands 2 month affair has ended with his girlfriend being pregnant If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark A condoms like 50 cents. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? But again the adoption makes that all moot. i am currently in an awful situation. I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. Hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood, and it is an egregious breach of the implied sexual contract for the woman to turn around and say, Whups, knocked up! By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. We . Its not the situation, but the way its written. Thats all I can really offer. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. Its very unfair. If its dude and hes a brain surgeon or something and shes a hot part-time bartender, his child support will be assessed at an amount that will put her in decent rent, a mercedes car payment and plenty left over for nice clothes and dining out, with an occasional weekend getaway thrown in the mix. They should act responsibly. For more information, please see our Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. Hes scum all around in my book. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Good. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. ! They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. Men AND women have walked away from children. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. It merely reduces the chances. What if she believes than an abortion is murder? If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. well, then Id run screaming the other way. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. Fyrebyrd2 Wellyeah. I wouldnt. Or so so many of you all keep saying. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. Aim for the face. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. female If its not easy and its not what one wants, opt out of it. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. I get what youre saying. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. Dont care to be properly identified? However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. Dump this creep. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. Yep. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. Consider that this child will be a drain on his resources, and possibly yours as well if you marry. That way you will know things like what you both agree to do if she gets preggers, and how soon you jettison him if he goes and has sex with someone else ad knocks her up. This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. ago. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A She left me for him and and now wants me back. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. Briana DeJesus. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. Weeks. Temperance But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? SweetsAndBeats Iwannatalktosampson So, ask yourself why do you allow it? Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. REALLY?! If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values.

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